As promised, I've returned with another martial arts video filled to the top with Bullshido. So get your pepto bismal ready because I'm about to force feed you a steaming pile of turd cakes on a silver plater. Pitter patter, let's get at her. Clearly distraught about growing up in a box, this martial arts master exacts revenge on his former abode with all the fury and vengeance of an Indian Michael Jackson. But one day this boy turned into a man, and this man turned into a legend. Let's take a gander at his legendary work. Sensai Insanity has come up with his own form of martial arts that I'm going to call Crouching Dump, Hidden Foxtail. For those not familiar with the term foxtail - it's when someone doesn't wipe their great divide well enough and it leaves a “foxtail” tattoo on their underwear. But I digress, let's get back to the action. Look at him move. He has the grace of a 60 year old meth head at a ballroom dance competition. First red flag for his student should have been the homemade dojo with kiddy mats on the floor. Second red flag should have been every thing else to do with this guy. I'm guessing there's some unburnt bones in that little fireplace and a shoe box in the floorboards containing an odd assortment of teeth. I love how he seems to be correcting his student all the time. No no no Igor, first you reach for the pixie dust, then down into a barking avacado, then tickle a magic dragon. But I don't want to get hung up on this one video because he's got a whole collection of amazing martial art techniques. Let's take a gander at the world's filthiest self defense video. Apparently, rubbing turd tar and spraying weenus water all over your body is now a form of self defense. And here I thought it was just a sport in the hobo olympics. Silly me. Now let's imagine there's a vegetable person trapped inside a man's body. Now imagine this trans-veg man decided to undergo reassignment surgery, slice off his kielbasa and replace it with a cucumber. But the hormone treatment goes haywire and turns him into a sex crazed villain! How do you defend yourself against this? Ding ding ding, dinner time! Well that was easy enough - problem solved....that is until his cucumber grows back! In my un-humble opinion, ninja outfits are a small step away from being onsie jammies. But let's see these shadow warriors in action. Step one, stand still while you let 3 attackers grab hold of your arms and waist. Step 2, wait for the attackers to stand perfectly still while your ninja reflexes take hold. Step 3, have a slumber party pile on and tickle fight. But I know what you're thinking....what if they all have wooden knives and want to give me splinters? Don't worry, Ninja man has a plan. All you have to do is dodge 3 knife attacks while grabbing hold of all the knives and then murder your attackers. Don't forget to finish it off with the cutest little somersault this side of daycare. What effing swamp did this she beast crawl out of and what do you feed it, dinosaurs? This walking talking fighting syringe of HGH is Gabi Garcia and it looks like she injected her steroids with a dose of steroids and uses a turkey baster to juice up. Oh yeah, this should be a fair fight. A teletubbie vs Thor. Who's next on the card, Michael J Fox vs Floyd Mayweather? Here's what to do if your grandson gets a hold of your peach paring knife and goes crazy because you turned off his PS4 to watch Touched by An Angel. That's grandparenting 101 right there. Split Second Survival has the perfect martial arts technique if you want to get shot in the face instead of handing over the seven dollars in your purse. So why do I need to take their course when I just saw that all you have to do is just grab a gun away from an attacker? And just in case you don't think you've upped your chances of getting shot enough, here's another fancy way of turning your body into a bullet magnet. I love how she says, in super slow motion. Yeah thank god she did it in super slow motion because normally she moves faster than the eye can see. Okay dokie, you've made it this far so I'm going to reward you by sharing the greatest martial arts move of all time. The neck breaker. Obviously this lady was trained by the greatest collection of Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme films and literally knows how to snap necks and cash cheques. Here's what I love about instructors who show off these killer moves....how does she know it actually works or that she can actually do it? Are we to assume that she's broken several dozen necks while perfecting her glorious death move? Ishikari Lore by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution licence (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/) Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100192 Artist: http://incompetech.com/ #bullshido #kungfool #McDojo