Ivory Tower There’s an office at the end of the corridor You all know whose it is It’s Professor Doctor Famous you’ve been coming for To shake his hand and smell his breath But the professor has no time He’s got a paper to write And the next thing on his list Is to prove that the universe does not exist Chorus: We have no place for cowards In the halls of the ivory tower How can they fail to see That the next big thing is me The professor is retired but not tiring Yesterday he discovered a new force Soon enough they will all praise and admire him All the way from Princeton to Oxford He’s a genius in his mind He always has a paper to write And if no one understands why he’s right then That’s okay as long as they cite him [Repeat chorus twice] In his office at the end of the corridor The professor passed the final test He completed what he had been working for And died with his head on his desk His colleagues on the faculty Call it a great tragedy Then they make more coffee And debate who gets his office [Repeat chorus]